As you know, dear ones, Oola is heartbroken. Not only have I been abandoned by my most recent lover, Julian Brindle, who many of you know from his work designing erotic housewares and furniture, I have also lost my dearest chicken. An Araucana (South American Rumpless).

Julian purchased the Araucana for me as a symbol for the fresh, surprising quality of our lovemaking. You see, Araucanas lay the most beautiful pale blue eggs, and Julian presented me with the chick in one of his brown and blue “nesting settees,” specially angled to aid with certain difficult postures.

Well, as it turns out, the chick is a rooster. And in fact the fact is I am soon to lose him. He will be processed. For his crowing has been judged a problem by the other members of the brothel and so they wish to DO HIM IN! This is not an easy time for me. I, Oola, gentle soul, must now sing to him sweetly, then spin him and wring him, his blood will drain and his feathers remain for me to pluck.

With Julian and my dear little rumpless one gone, I feel myself entering a difficult, but no doubt creatively gratifying, period of mourning.